Texts

I’ve always loved hiking because all you have to do is walk, for days on end. There’s a romantic fantasy of ”walking until your troubles disappear”. That’s what I thought when coming here, and also why I thought the timing of this trip is good. However, when I hike, I still think about a lot of things. Sometimes being out here in the wilderness hiking makes me feel almost as if I’m escaping from reality, which can make it feel ”lofty”, not being part of the real life. Still, breaks are needed to gain perspective but it’s back in the real life that differences can be made.

I have had difficulties with mental illness since I was 16. Different aspects at different times depending on the circumstances but nevertheless it’s a big part of my life and will always continue to be. Around one year ago I started to have thoughts about suicide, and I still do from time to time. I’m writing this for two reasons, but in the end it’s the same reason: I want to be part of the effort for that better society, that society that we all dream of where mental health and illness is no more a taboo and where more people can be themselves without hiding anything that is already so painful and having to bear all the burden alone.

First of all, I’d like to point out that you never know how the life of another person is and what we see on the outside can hide so much so I just urge everybody to have empathy, consideration, understanding, and kindness for others, in all situations. Even when the other person isn’t explicitly indicating any difficulties, please use your imagination a bit and consider the possibility of that person having difficulties, instead of taking the easy mindless route of pointing a finger at the person because they are not living up to the society’s expectations of a ”normal” person. It is not always easy for us to speak openly and communicate our needs even if we want to, and sometimes we wish others would understand without us having to say everything. And sometimes, we don’t even know that everything yet, just that things are hard.

Also, I’m writing about this openly because I believe it’s not something anybody should be ashamed about. And if me writing about it makes another person feel less ashamed, more comfortable talking about their difficulties and reaching out for support then it’s worth it. I know that I myself have reached out far less often than I really should have. I’ve had the help of mental health professionals but have not until recently dared disclose certain things to even my closest friends or my partner and that put me in a really lonely position. I think feeling lonely is often a big part of the problem.

Recently I also heard about someone whose relative took their life, and that they afterwards decided to write about mental illness on Facebook. When a loved musician like Avicii commits suicide, everyone talks about it and initiatives are taken. Why do we always have to wait until someone dies/attempts suicide to talk about it openly in society? I want to start much earlier.

In short, I want to be part of the effort for that better society. I’ve thought about this for a long time already, but didn’t really know how. But now I think I know how. It starts with myself and then goes on to how I treat the people around me and also initiatives in the workplace to make mental health and illness an open topic. I’ve had the luck to have extremely supportive managers and to work for a company that actively promotes openness about mental well-being, but my hope is that in the future one won’t need to be lucky to have that. I hope that the different experiences people have and the struggles they have to go through could be something that’s celebrated.

Also, one thing I noticed about the very little open discussions about mental health, is that most of them seem to be centered around the effects of stress in work and school and the burnout due to that. I absolutely don’t mean that we shouldn’t talk about that or that it’s not serious - it is. But there are so so much more factors affecting a person’s mental health and at least for me, it has never been about work or school. For instance, there are different mental illnesses some that are life long, also, relationships to others and trauma from the past are significant factors. And that’s why, I never identified with those discussions and feel like we should be talking about all aspects of mental health, not just stress related burnout.

So being out here hiking has lifted my mood somewhat a little bit in some aspects but it is still going to be an ongoing process for me with the burdens that I carry. Some of them I’ve carried for a really long time and others shorter. I know just through walking around with a 7kg backpack that compared to not carrying anything it feels much more heavy. Now that I’m home again, I’m able to feel light again without my backpack, but I do not even remember the days when I walked around in life without a mental backpack. I would really like to conclude on a hopeful note but being the pessimistic person that I am I think what I can still say is that no matter if we have a chance or not I’m going to do my best. I’m a pessimist that still tries to go for my ideals. And I truly wish that during my life, I’d be able to make a difference for others. And the beautiful thing is that in doing so, I’m also making the greatest difference for myself.

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