Texts

A post I originally shared on my private Instagram

Yesterday, 7th of April 2021 marked an important day for me. I have been working through a lot of things lately and things are coming back to me that I’ve long forgotten. For instance, who I was when I was a teenager. Some things that happened in my life made me lock that person away in a metal box and put a lock on it and throw away the key somewhere. And I think in the past decade I’ve just been going in search of my memories. Going in search of the key to unlock this box. It might all sound very abstract and that’s alright because I guess it’s not easy to relate to if one hasn’t had the same experiences. Still, one line from my favorite song comes to mind: ”And who’ll hear the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring out loud ’til they unfold.”

And by that, I mean that from now on I’m going to be telling that story, living that story. I’m going to tell it, to whoever wants to listen. It feels like, I am falling in love with life again. For the first time since I am 19. That’s why, when my Marvin came home yesterday I told him today’s my second birthday, my rebirthday. And that we had to celebrate. So he said we have an old Christmas pudding lying in the cupboard and wow it tasted bad. But that’s fine, and I said we should do some ritual, like going to the lake and burning something. And we burned a photo of me saying ”too good to be true”. That’s really symbolizing the person that I’ve been these years, the person that chose to erase memories, to erase the biggest part of herself instead of dealing with the pain of loss. Anyway. That’s all past now. I really don’t like using Instagram anymore since watching the movie The Social Dilemma (which I think everyone should watch) but I think sharing real, hopeful stories here is still valuable and good.

Anyway, it feels great, and that’s something I havn’t felt since more than a decade. I think, during this time I never actually liked myself for a moment. But I feel like, now I don’t really need to worry about things anymore and I feel like I’m never going to be afraid of anything again since now I remember who I really am and I love that person :)